UNLEASHED, UNCUT, UNREAD



4.29.2005

A word about words

A previous blog entry by yours truly entitled “The (wo)man’s bringin’ me down” has received some scathing reviews in the press recently. I comfort myself by noting that the number of positive replies far outnumbers those of a negative slant, however, the topic bears such gravity that I deem it necessary to offer a short note of explanation.

Let it be trumpeted from the mountaintop, let it be proclaimed from the blessed pulpit, let it be branded into the flesh of the flocks: POP, not soda was not equating his situation with that of the oppressed groups when discussing profiling. Instead, and I’ll let the words of one of my favorite anonymous jackass contributors speak here (I try to incorporate you guys as much as possible), I was ….

Waxing philosophically and lyrically about [my] own oppression to draw attention to real profiling.

Now I cannot claim to have waxed either philosophically or lyrically, perhaps museumly, but the latter part of this statement is what I’m interested in. Although I was, and will continue to make light of the evil security guard downstairs, it does make you a little uncomfortable to be singled out like that. I figure if such a trivial situation raises my hackles, I can’t imagine how people who deal with exponentially worse cases of profiling must feel. Moral of the story: I was trying to open a discussion of an important issue by mocking my own ridiculous sensibilities.

I understand that an anonymous electronic voice isn’t automatically given the benefit of the doubt. Furthermore, I have no problem clarifying a position that some deem questionable. However, I have faith that with time, the three adoring fans that read this blog will develop the ability to discern between sarcasm and a legitimate position. It won’t happen overnight, and I’m comfortable dealing with the bumps in the road that the will ultimately lead to such a point. To facilitate such a development, I encourage anyone who has a reaction to one of my entries, be it positive or negative, to write me a comment. That dialogue is my aim.

Don't get fake on me.

4.28.2005

Paint by numbers

Why do i get the feeling ninety percent of the people who read my blog would find ninety percent of these friggin' hilarious. If you're dissin', "Cut it out" and click on the blue stuff.

4.27.2005

The (wo)man's bringin' me down

I’m that guy. The one that’s too young. The one with the slightly disheveled, slightly longer-than-necessary hair. The one with the tattered backpack, complete (NOT 'replete' as one of my adoring fans has pointed out in the COMMENT section below) with broken zipper. The one jamming the obscenely ubiquitous white ipod headphones that scream, “you’re not a fifty year old scientist!” Add it up and what do you get: a victim of the National Academies security guard profiling. That’s right.

There’s this one harridan with eagle eyes, that perches in her eagle’s nest, sharpening her eagle’s talons…just waiting to sink those claws into my shoulder blades so she can carry my dangling body off and throw me to her horde of bloodthirsty eagle children, who will process my flesh like deli turkey and feast upon my innards as I writhe in the dying throes of agony.

It’s a lot like that, I’m not kidding.

Every time I spot that lady I start to lose my cool. My breathing comes in choked fits while I ponder the forbidding consequences of saying the wrong thing or looking the wrong way. Even the mechanics of walking elude me at this critical moment as I stumble over my toe, catching myself in an all-too-obvious attempt to conceal my anxiety.

“Excuse me, sir. Sir? Excuse me, Sir! Can I see your identification please?” I muster up my courage, clench my fists, and turn on my heels to face her. There she is. Again. The same lady that raked me over hot coals last week.

I show her my identification. The similarities between the photo and my face are striking and undeniable. Still, she scrutinizes both with those piercing eyes, intently searching for an awkward reflection of light, a bent corner.

She silently hands it back to me…and I prepare for the admonishment.

Just as the sun rises each day, the admonishment follows: “Sir, you are aware that Academy policy requires you wear your identification around your neck for public view. You are aware of that, right?”

Huh, that’s fascinating. Thanks for the Academies’ civics lessons you evil Amazon…Let’s talk about four score and seven…meaning, of course, the 87 people that just walked through the door in front of me, none of whom were adorned with a visible badge. Let’s talk about you and me and those bronze-cast maize plants settling this thing right here, right now! I scream at her in my imaginary snake tongue.

“Sorry about that, I forgot my badgeholder upstairs,” is the tail-stuck-between-legs answer that ekes its silly way out of my mouth.

Now I think back to all those news stories we read about Americans of Middle Eastern descent being harassed unnecessarily in the wake of the 2001 terrorist attacks. I think about the African Americans on DC streets who often aren’t even graced with eye contact because it’s automatically assumed they’re panhandling. I think about the girls in high school counselors' offices being subtly, or not so subtly, directed towards their more "natural" path in the humanities.

Then I think to myself, “Profiling blows.”

4.26.2005

Secrets revealed:

Sometimes i feel boring, so I spice it up by visiting this site.
And if that doesn't cut it, I just follow the link on that same page to the really not-so-funny dirty jokes...there should be laws against wasting a promising dirty joke. But to relieve any lingering dejection, I remind myself that this didn't happen and proceed to perform tribal dances of exultation.

4.21.2005

If you don't find this cool...

...nothing is cool. give up. I'm talking about the picture posted below this blog entry. So the friend of a wife of a friend of a brother snapped this pic while hunting in Montana. the afforementioned brother told me at one point the dogs realized this cat was tracking their group and proceeded to give chase, eventually pinning it back on the ledge. The idiotic dogs, who collectively reached the decision that their 7 to 1 advantage would prove superior over satan in the form of a cougar, talked puppy smack for five minutes. Apparently that was enough time for them to figure out they we're all going to die in severed, bloody shreds if they didn't bounce....like now. which they did.
but speaking of animals that could make abstract art out of a human body, i thought this situation was so sad. one of the prerequisites for living in alaska was signing a pledge wherein you vowed to read more articles about animals than people. when it's commonplace to spot a moose trotting down the street or bedding down in your backyard right in the middle of the city with half the state's population, you realize that grabbing the morning latte is not your only concern. i read alot about the wolf situation while in alaska and have been delighted to see that the Washington Post has latched on to the saga of this wolf pack. I'm not delighted about what's happening up there. although i'm not an animal behavioral scientist by any means (although my college residence did allow me some unusual insight into the issue), i do understand that in order to gather useful data on any particular species it takes TIME. four decades is so much to invest into these wolves, but still not enough. wolves are plentiful in alaska-so plentiful that hunters have been given license to take them out from aboard airplanes in order to diminish the devastating effect they've had upon certain moose populations. Therefore, my argument isn't with a few wolves dying. also, although i do take issue with many types of hunting, namely the kind done over a computer (way to go Texas)..., that's not my issue here so much either. It's the state of Alaska's unwillingness to take special precautions to safegaurd and encourage the scientific value of this particular pack. It scares me that nobody with adequate political might had the balls to be vociferous about this issue...three democratic senators from other states won't do the trick. These wolves are being slaughtered right in front of our eyes.
If they had had an income tax up there, i would have taken them to school on my return....


It's so cute that the puppies are playing with the kitty. Posted by Hello

4.18.2005

When bad things happen to good people

Today I tell a story of apocalyptical battles, unparalleled heroism, and the fall of mighty empires. Storied figures from ages past mustered up their forgotten glory and rampaged onto the battlefield of fury…drumming throngs amassed in anticipation of the looming clash…hearts pounding, feet stomping, salivating dagger-edged teeth ready to taste the flesh of fallen foes. It was a sight that emblazoned itself into the memory of all who witnessed.

As dictated by the rules of proper warfare, Alexander, Caesar, Genghis Khan and Napolean each stepped away from their fortified positions at the four corners of control and slowly made their way to the legendary Circle of Seclusion…here, in the middle of this barren, windswept plain lay a single tent, its flapping, red silken sheets glowing in the searing midday sun. there was to be no talk of averting the travesty ahead, instead, these four honored figures offered their last respects to the towering personages in their presence. Oh how the pragmatic logistics of organizing warfare can baffle your mind….how could it be that four men sat down at a table and divided up the known expanses of the globe into segments of control, wielding the power to determine the fates of billions with the sweep of a hand, the blink of an eye. Yet so it was. The Rumsfelds and Wolfowitzs of the world would hereafter always hearken back to this convergence of powers when deliberating the precedents established for conquering and pillaging.

There were no wasted words. A nod of graven respect was paid by each to each…then they turned on their heels and swiftly made their way back to their respective bastions in order to make final preparations. At the sixth hour of the sixteenth day of the fourth month, the horns blared their deafening call to arms…and so it began. What followed has been depicted in scores of books, praised by the poets of the world and immortalized in song…surely my meager words wouldn’t be so brazen to rival those accounts, instead, I offer a glimpse from the commonman to the commonman.

The mighty mountain fortresses of the Andes, and the fertile river valleys of the Amazon fell quickly, uncontested really, to Caesar’s swarms. Just as today, many parts of Africa teemed with civil war, while East Timor broke its fragile peace, roiled by carnage. Asia remained eerily calm in these early stages…awaiting it’s mounting pivotal power. While Genghis and Alexander tore away at each other in Africa and the southwest Pacific, Napolean capitalized on their distracted attentions and sallied forth through the expanses of North America. Soon a dynasty was born and North America had fallen. Controlling such vast resources, Napolean churned his war engine at full boar. Seemingly in the blink of an eye, Napolean had fortified the northwestern gateway to N. America (Kamchatcka), effectively sealed the southern entry through Panama and accumulated his menacing divisions in Greenland….poised to sail the silent seas and surge through Ireland and Britain. Those seas were sailed and hidden under a cloak of mist, Napolean unleashed his vicious hounds upon the Icelandic snows and let them devour all in their way. Europe itself now lay helpless to his evil schemes and east to west, north to south soon fell under his sway.

Emotions ran high at this point, and the prostrate southern powers of the world convened a conference in Tunisia and discussed tactics to collectively undermine Napolean’s northern empire. Here the author must disclose his ties to the Alexandrian leadership, because interpretations of this summit grossly diverge. You see, I held an elevated post in Alexander’s exclusive cabinet of war ministers during the early stages of warfare, including the days of the Tunisian talks….anyways, Caesar, Genghis and Alexander’s respective camps all agreed that a unified and imminent counteroffensive against Napolean in Southern Europe was the most logical of approaches. Alexander held two of the three key positions (Northern Africa) which would allow such an attack…the middle east lay in the possession of Genghis. To cut to the chase, the talks were ultimately discarded because Alexander felt he was being asked to sacrifice his very existence in order to weaken Napolean, allowing Caesar and Genghis to reap the harvest they hadn’t sown. Caesar and Genghis called for an immediate offensive, while Alexander demanded a brief respite to muster a critical mass of manpower, in order to ensure landing a mighty blow and living to tell about it. Sadly, Caesar and Genghis’ positions were too staunch to allow for productive three way dialogue and they splintered off into separate two party talks.

Let me bring this tome to a timely close…Alexander, abandoned by the short-sighted, unrealistic demands of those whose names we shall not mention again here, suffered the further devastating blow of a malaria outbreak in his central African power region….inauspicious signs, my dear friends. Meanwhile, blessed by an abundant crop and fortuitous mid-battle breaks (an entire division of Napolean’s troops was wiped out while crossing the Urals when a freak summer blizzard swept in), Genghis strengthened in the east. Caesar, finally ready to capitalize on his protracted isolationist stance, soon rose up to conquer the crippled North American Napoleonic empire.

There was a moment when relative parity returned to the lands of this earth, and a harmonious peace could have been struck….but the wounds of battle had penetrated too deeply, the ire and quest for vengeance too permanently lodged in the psyche of these soldiers…nobody was hanging up their shields and returning to pasture…this was a battle to the end. Plain and simple. Crippled by the nonexistent international aid, Caesar worked tirelessly in his laboratory to develop the serum to cure malaria…but alas, time ran out. Napolean capitalized on this last opportunity to use his fledgling northern might…The figurative gates of Moscow fell this time to Napolean as he stormed into Africa and managed to strike the fatal blow to Alexander’s forces… the story goes that Alexander fended off scores of assailants with his own majestic might, ultimately succumbing only to a slimy bit of subterfuge that involved Caesar and Genghis illegally and immorally abetting Napolean’s ferocious offensive.

The rest is history (and boring history, at that). So suffice it to say, that for all Napolean’s gusto, he overreached himself by conquering Alexander. He soon fell. The world returned to a two superpower state that pitted Genghis against Caesar’s isolationist forces in the west. Armed with the insuperable combination of exquisite horsemanship skills and access to Arabian stallions, Genghis swallowed the might of Rome…ironically in a northern showdown that foretells of the pending rise to power of Greenland and Iceland.

….but little did they know…that high above them, orbiting the blue earth in a rudimentary satellite station, sat Alexander….cackling maniacally, and plotting his imminent, terrorizing return


Clockwise, from bottom left: Genghis, Caesar and Napolean concoct their devious schemes Posted by Hello

4.14.2005

Gone, but not forgotten

I remember the last look you shot my way,
That filthy, fateful April day,
When the affair had run its course,
Emotions spent, aside from remorse.

Memories swarm my swollen head,
Sometimes I need four cylinders back in my bed,
Happiness a memory, dream, mirage,
While you luxuriate in a newfound garage.

I’m sorry I couldn’t offer you that,
I’m sorry for our latest spat,
When I caked your innards with Cherry coke,
Laughed, and let a mean friend smoke.

Let us never speak of your driver’s seat,
And the toxic remnants of Arizona heat,
That stripped you of your innocent youth,
Now akin to a truckstop diner’s booth.

You said your love was unrequited,
I scoped a Jetta, you felt slighted,
You cranked the speaker up to eleven,
Which is a number four more than seven…

…Atleast 20 decibels bumpin’ my rhymes,
Still, I was less than understanding at times,
Like after inundating the dashboard with parking tickets,
I punished you by careening through raspberry thickets.

But when I idiotically hit the 4-wheel up the rockies,
You still let me wear my Jenny-from-the-block tees.
You elicited nothing but meager sighs,
While I tarnished you with McDonald’s fries.

I treated you like Regular, when you were Supreme
Ignored when you’d putter, cough, or steam,
You asked for nothing, save an oil change,
But that came around the 10,000 mile range.

When we first met I thought you instant danger,
All you could talk about was your six disk changer,
But your selflessness ceaselessly defied words,
As you offered a lavatory for neighborhood birds.

I knew before me you’d been with another,
But Jesus, why did it have to be my own brother,
Couldn’t you have told me that before,
It wasn’t a piece of ancient folklore.

Don’t you dare be callin’ me a no-good hater,
For you I’d whoop ass like the Terminator,
I took you to Texas, Cali, and Toronto,
You best be recanting, I mean pronto

I’m happier now riding the Metro,
Not dishing out for the golden petro,
I just needed more, Shaggin’ Wagon,
Shaggin’ was naggin’, but sadly laggin’.


The Shaggin' Wagon, not going gently into that good night Posted by Hello

4.13.2005

muddled mess of a manifesto

There are dark forces operating behind the scenes in this seemingly mundane world. How else can it be explained that I get to unload my mental miasma out upon the unsuspecting electronic channels of the world. I wonder how many other bloggers have written similar introductory sentences, probably many. Goes to show you how many totally sweet people there are out there.

So I’ve decided to start a blog. This noble notion was eschewed by yours truly all too often in the past, however, for a number of reasons, I’ve reneged on my sworn oath to never partake. Firstly, my perspective on technology in general has shifted. After years of living in a theoretical, minimalist, perhaps luddite universe, I’m beginning to appreciate the wonders of embracing (in a sober fashion) what could be…I realize that I’m living through one of the most incredible moments in history when technology, and electronic/remote networking in particular, is working to enhance global interconnectedness and bring about parity among nations and people. I fully acknowledge that the realization of such mindblowing notions is far in the future, or perhaps, deeply embedded in my imagination…but accessibility and knowledge of computing systems harbors far ranging promises for anyone that has a teeming curiousity, motivation, and a few lucky breaks. What I’m trying to say is that I think that’s the coolest notion, and I want to partake. Chopping my thoughts up into sizzling electrons and shuttling them to some gynormous server that has the audacity to spit them back out to anyone that gives a flying f**k is the sweetest thing I can think of. I want to take advantage of that…
Other things contributed as well. I’ve come to understand myself a little better in the last couple years and I realize that although my communication with those I’m close to can be so incredible and real at times, I’m also prone to allow gaping time gaps elapse in between. I’m poor at maintaining the day to day….although I often wish I had this with more people. Moving to the east coast, where I literally knew a couple people upon arrival, has underscored for me how much I miss and need my friends/family...and how difficult it can be to forge meaningful bonds with new people. I certainly don’t regret my move, but I’d like to find a way to bridge the gap between this and that.
Furthermore, I know i have the tendency at times to bottle up my thoughts, which leaves many wondering what the hell is going on with me. Although i am becoming increasingly more comfortable with varying mental/mood states- something i think humanity in general is less than accepting of...everybody wants everybody to be perpetually stoked about life-i now understand that it's important to me that those i'm close to have some understanding of what's going on in my mind. Anyways, I think this blog will let people see a chunk of my mind when that chunk seems too anchored in place to fall out otherwise...beware, the whole structure might collapse if enough chunks dislodge…and hear the jargon that I’m spitting like a rusted faucet in El Paso. I want dialogue, and hopefully this blog can facilitate it.

So this blog is for my friends and family (although I have a feeling some members of the family might prefer to not hear my candid speech at times). Living in DC, how can transparency not be my motto….pause to vomit and shake head….

In the spirit of catching some folks up, I will offer a brief synopsis of my life here in this introductory blog. Those that are anywhere near in touch with me can save themselves the agony by not reading on…
So here I am in DC, battling with the fact that I’m living in arguably the hippest spot in the city yet the coffee shops close at 10:00. WTF. Seriously, WTF. This could be a fortuitous turn of events, however, because I’ve discovered that one of my least favorite choch-monkey bars in the neighborhood is actually a supercool place to get a beer and relax with my computer on the off nights. So here I am. Beer eclipses coffee tonight. No worries, coffee will continue to fight the valiant fight.
I have a job. For those who followed my summer/fall saga, this constitutes no small feat. I’m an office boy at the National Academies (of Science). My group studies oceans. They are the big blue puddles you see on globes that are less well understood than most nearby (semantically speaking, the most relative of relative terms used here) objects in space. They are the things that ultimately claimed over 200,000 lives at the end of December, contain 97% of the earth's water, and determine our weather. They’re the place where at the deepest you could submerge Everest and still climb up three Taipei 101 Towers and throw in a Petronas Tower for old time sake (actually the top 28 feet of the Petronas Towers would erupt from the water but that's just superfluous radio poles anyway). The fact that i'm a cubicle rat that spends a fair amount of time shuffling through glorified paperwork renders it unnecessary for me to have a background in this stuff...but i do get to look at creepy pictures of deep sea monsters...
So that's work. Then there's life in general After a not-so-fun but instructive few months, I’ve shed a rather dark period in my life, which I won’t delve into much. Damn those winter months...Suffice it to say that my faith in human resilience has grown.
I’m finally getting back in touch with important people (unfortunately, not the kind of 'important' that will pay me a sizeable salary to sit around and get paid for this).
I’m slowly getting to know some incredible people in DC.
Music and art have regained their prominent position. I’ve run away on a number of occasions, not able to intellectually decipher how the aforementioned could provide any fulfillment, yet always returning….more assured of, and inspired by, their effect each time (can someone who understands how to diffentiate between effect/affect please contact me asap...i think i was busy substituting expletives into Shakespearian sonnets during that english class). it’s still magical to me.
I’m dating a girl that blows me away with her crazy talents, intellect, priorities and beauty. We’re working through those issues of independence, overindulgence, communication, etc. She’s the coolest, most central thing in my life.
I'm feeling warm sunshine for the first time in what seems like ages.
I'm residing with my good friend Evan from Spokane. After an extended period (for me atleast) of discovering that we both evolved (devolved?) in different ways in college, i think we're coming to appreciate each other's respective ambitions/goals. it's starting to feel like not living in the past so much, and instead, embracing what's going on now. it's copasetic and i dig it.
I’m living with the knowledge that this job won’t directly channel into anything I want to do long term…I’m also living with the knowledge that DC is not where I’d like to settle for any extended period of time….at the same time, it’s a very cool city and I have a fairly interesting job that lets me work right downtown, about three blocks off the National Mall. Aside from the financial restrictions that come from working at a non-profit, I can still pay the bills and live a pretty cool life. It’s a good situation for right now...i get to meet some interesting people and do a little traveling...definitely enough to keep me stimulated for the near future.

So what gives me the right to hop on my soap box (still swearing off the contents within) and bark at the world? Well, this free blog service does. Do it yourself if you hate me. Or don’t and don’t ever read anything I have to say. It’s beautiful that way, isn’t it.
I’m going to promise nothing from this blog, so as to not disappoint anyone. There will not be a theme. There will not be a consistent timetable of entries. There will often times be random, less-than-substantive rambling. But i think there's a bunch of interesting stuff out there to shoot the shit about, alot of which does prove important to my happiness and motivation. Perhaps some will agree with me. It’s not my fault if you log on, but i'd love it if you did. By the way, you rule if you’ve read this far.
Cheers.