I still don't like 'em

There's people out there doing crazy things. I read an article in this week's New Yorker (article not yet available electronically) that delved into the esoteric world of leech research. Some highlights follow:

• Leeches have 3 jaws arranged in a Y-shaped pattern, each of which contains about 100 teeth. After latching onto the flesh-o-the-day (actually, they feed much less frequently…some leeches can live up to a year between meals), they penetrate skin by sawing through with their miniscule teeth.
• There are 4 commercial leech farms in the world, one in each of the following countries: England, France, Germany, and Russia.
• In 2004, the FDA authorized leeches for use as medical devices. Leeches can play a crucial role in microsurgery, such as helping to reattach severed limbs. The only other FDA-approved application of live animals as medicinal instruments is maggots: they feed only on necrotic flesh, hence, when applied to wounds, they will consume infected tissue while leaving healthy tissue untouched.
• Speaking of bloodletting, I learned why those red and white striped poles always adorn barbershops. During the nineteenth century, ‘barber-surgeons’ not only cut hair, but also bled patients (common-knowledge?).
• Contrary to popular belief, leeches reside in a wide variety of climates. Some of the more outrageous cases mentioned in the article include a species in the Sahara that resides in the nose of camels, one than attacks the armpits of turtles, and another that loves nothing more than a hippopotamus anus.
• Medicinal leeching traces its roots back millennia, including mentions in both ancient Sanskrit and Greek writings, and reached a zenith in the early-mid 19th century (the latter can largely be accounted for by the influence of Francois Joseph Victor Broussais, a surgeon for the Napoleonic armies, who believed all diseases traced their roots to inflammation of the gastrointestinal tract. Starvation and bloodletting were the commonly prescribed cures).
• Leeches are hermaphrodites.
• The giant leech is real! These other-worldly slugs patrol the waters of the Amazon basin, grow to rival the size of a man’s forearm, and feed by inserting a six-inch long needlelike proboscis (think skinny, mutated elephant trunk) into its host. Attack of the Giant Leeches and The Leech Woman were documentaries, didn’t you know that.
• Leeches operate with a more sophisticated technique than simply sucking blood. Upon penetrating through the skin, they release an anesthetic from tiny ducts in-between their teeth. You might feel a quick prick, but probably won’t pay too much attention since the pain subsides quickly. Once the leech opens its treasure chest of blood, it capitalizes on its opportunity. First of all, leeches spit out anti-coagulant to ensure the flood keeps flowing. Next, they inject a vasodilator into their luscious concoction to open up blood vessels. As if that wasn’t enough, leeches complete their recipe by including a spreading factor, which moves the chemicals quickly to remote tissues, encouraging these cowering tissues to relinquish their prized blood.

So that’s cool. Now I want to figure out more about those damn centipedes that dart around DC and give me the willies. Oh, my brutal trench-warfare battle-of-attrition with Dell and Ebay finally came to a victorious end. I now have a functioning laptop. It might still be a concrete Dell, I might still be stuck with Windows, but atleast I can check The Onion whenever I want.