Ronny Turiaf's Girlfriend a Candidate for Sainthood
As reported in my hometown Spokesman-Review, Ronny Turiaf, the West Coast Conference Men’s Basketball Player-of-the-Year and Second-round draft pick to the Los Angeles Lakers who underwent open-heart surgery yesterday, was touched by an angel at Stanford University Medical Center when his girlfriend “paid for her own flight from the Seattle area to be present while the surgery was being performed”.
“The altruism defies words,” said Rev. Joseph Hingle, Ms. Thomas’ pastor in Washington. “The community gathered together and managed to raise the $278 to support her blessed pilgrimage, but Tracy sprinkled us with holy water and pressed 'Purchase' before we could stop her. You know what else, she paid twenty dollars extra to arrive an hour earlier. Today, we have truly seen the work of the Lord.”
Rev. Hingle’s thoughts were echoed by the masses gathered outside the hospital in Palo Alto to welcome Ms. Thomas.
When asked whether they were aware of the situation surrounding her abrupt arrival, most spectators struggled to answer. “Her brother was injured in Pamplona a couple weeks ago,” said one confused fan. “But that doesn’t matter, what matters is that Tracy’s here and she’s gonna be okay.”
Ms. Thomas’ trading cards will be available later this week at the CatholicStore, and it was rumored they were valued at a higher price than her boyfriend’s Upper Deck Rookie Card.
**On a slightly more serious note, it looks like the surgery was successful without having to completely replace the heart valve. Perhaps Ronny and his wobbly ankles will be dropping 15 foot jumpers in the big leagues after all.
2 comments:
Is this some kind of joke? This woman gets called an angel and is praised for her altruism for being there for her boyfriends surgery?!? That seems pretty run-of-the-mill decency out of significant other. It's not like she even sacrificed any money for the visit, freeloading off her church apparently.
If this qualifies for altruism these days, call me the pope. If this was reported in the S-R, that publication has fallen a long way from its glory days of exposing publicly homomphobic mayors engaging in secret gay trysts.
So, the only snippets of validity in that post were most of the first paragraph and all of the last paragraph. I was possessed by a poltergeist for the remainder of the time. but thanks for saying hi, pope. I strongly recommend never trusting anything i say.
Oh, and fear not, the spokesman-review will continue it's lonely quest of outing corrupt politicians
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